A Pirate's Cove

Bloggin Es Hard Werk!

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:27:54 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses...

Taday, fer Labour Day in z Eunited States, we es celebratin all the labor that goes inta makin blogs, aye!

Fer example, we labour hard ta bring ya excitin trips from afar, n plop em down right ere so yer scallywag eyes can seem em, n yer rum-soaked brain can say, omg, ere comes sum video from z eyes, let's try ta make sense o'et. An if ya only half-pickled yer selve in z 1960s, usually it all makes sense. But I digress. The point is we gots ta sail all o'er z werld n have fun just ta create a blog. Ta prove et, we got picteures ---

As you can see, et is diffecult werk.

Tis et fer taday, scallywags. Have a guud Labour Day n beyond!

The Capt.

ANGRY PIRATES FER McCAIN!

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:37:41 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

O' Jolly es feelin bettur than ee waz, so et es time ta fire up me opinions n express em to all 3 of ya that es still readin me blog, harty, harr, har.

So listen up. Tadays lesson, boys n gerlies, es en politics n z presidential election en z Eunited States. Ta understand dis lesson, ya gots ta understand I es an angry pirate. I es sick o'seeing my country pushed around by scum inside n outside this country. Tis time to take our country back. Tis time fer all angry pirates ta vote fer McCain! AYE! Look at et this way:

- On z one hand, we gots a man who votes ta tear down most of z stuff this country es made of, n he es running on a ticket ta raise taxes on "the rich" (which is different in different areas of z country), prevent us from drillin fer oil (at a time when we need to), bring the troops home according to a deadline (at a time when they need ta stay and we shouldn't give away what we're doing to the enemy), have countries huddle tagether ta sing Cum By Ya to solve problems like Russin Invaiding Georgia (at a time when we need ta say freakin BS to them Commie bastards n flex a bit o'muscle of our own), has no experience, has never introduced a bill into Congress, hangs out with crazy church people (who can be considred racist), changes es mind on lots of issues, and whose wife has not respected this country until a few years ago (why the hell didn't she leave?).

-On z other hand, we gots a man who wants ta lower taxes on "the rich" (which is proven will stimulate job growth), drill fer oil (we need to), redeploy our brave troops when the timing is right, can make a decision about how to protect our interests with Russia, has at least 20 years' experience on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, has introduced many bills into Congress, who attends a normal church, doesn't often change his mind, and whose wife is patriotic.

So lemme think who I es votin fer. Hummmm.

WHY HELL, YOU IDIOTS, ME N ME CREW ES FER McCAIN. AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO.

Tis all fer now, scallywags!

End o' lesson. Amen

The Capt.

Twill b back soon, mates!

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:02:37 GMT

Ahoy lads n lasses...

Seems yer capt. as fallen victem ta sum injuries that should ave been from an accident er sumptin, but unfertunately were from es own aging process...lol.

Me back gave out after writing me last blog, then I ad a left elbow problem. My right shoulder rotator cuff tendinitus then kicked in just ta make things more interesting. And ifn all that twernt enough, I severely injured me right knee.

So I es almost ripe fer bloggin again, but I thought I shuld come in ere n just say ahoy.

Mo later, mates.

The Capt.

Salute our Veterans on Memorial Day, Aye!

Fri, 23 May 2008 21:54:42 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

We es finally hom from r encredible journey. I knowed I promised ya pectures, but taday I feel a need ta talk wit you n me crew about Memorial Day ere en z USA, so listen up.

The best way I know how ta do this es through pectures n a prayer. So join me n me crew en a bit o'a time out, ta pray fer z souls of the fallen men n wummens who gave their lives so all of us can live free.

A Memorial Day Prayer

By Rev. Dick Kozelka (ret)
First Congregational Church of Minnesota
Minneapolis, MN.

Eternal God,
Creator of years, of centuries,
Lord of whatever is beyond time,
Maker of all species and master of all history --
How shall we speak to you
from our smallness and inconsequence?

Except that you have called us to worship you
in spirit and in truth;
You have dignified us with loves and loyalties;
You have lifted us up with your lovingkindnesses.
Therefore we are bold to come before you without groveling
[though we sometimes feel that low]
and without fear
[though we are often anxious].

We sing with spirit and pray with courage
because you have dignified us;
You have redeemed us from the aimlessness
of things' going meaninglessly well.

God, lift the hearts of those
for whom this holiday is not just diversion,
but painful memory and continued deprivation.
Bless those whose dear ones have died
needlessly, wastefully [as it seems]
in accident or misadventure.
We remember with compassion those who have died
serving their countries
in the futility of combat.

There is none of us but must come to bereavement and separation,
when all the answers we are offered
fail the question death asks of each of us.
We believe that you will provide for us
as others have been provided with the fulfillment of
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

May God Bless all of our fallen service men and women.

The Capt.

Cummin up fer air

Fri, 16 May 2008 03:23:58 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

We av been away a mit longer than anticipitated, aye. But taday we found we ad z internet, so we es relaying a message ta all r fans that we es alive n well, n will b heading home ta San Francisca in z next few daze, aye.

We been battling rough seas n no satellite uplinks, but we es all safe n secure, n no one as got z scurvy...yet.

Here es what we been dealing wit:

Dang jib lifter es out again.

Talk with ya soon, mates

The Capt.

We es away fer a bit mo

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 23:38:00 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

Due ta overwhelmin demand fer a communique, here she b. After we ventured inta z wilds of z dark continent, we decided ta hav a bit mo fun, so we set sail again, aye, fer anouthr adventur, which we es on now, which es why u aint herd nuttin fom us, cause this adventur don't seem ta like me satellite connection.

So, I will supply mo pectures an whitty comments upon our arrival in cevelization, which is where we is right now, cause I needed a guud cup o'coffee, so we poked r eads in, but we es leavin, and z ship waits fer no one, not ever er captain.

Mo later, scallywags!

The Capt.

Pecturs O' R African Trip

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:21:35 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

I promised ya sum pectures o'r African safari enta z wilds o'z dark continent, so ere they b. We pulled outa San Francisco en January n set sail thru z Panama Canal, then down z coast o'Aftrica ta South Africa, where we ad ta tie up n trek on foot up ta z northern most section o' South Africa.

We battled many wild animals n skitos, but I av a hearty crew, n all of us managed ta arrive safe n sound at the Botswana Parks n Reserve area in general n z Okavango Delta en partecular. At z Okavango Delta, we set up a crude camp at Abu, n named et Abu Camp. Z place waz unfit fer a pirate, as u can see by z pectures below:

We ditched z limos so we could enter camp appropriately.

Abu Camp

They gaed me z Captain's suite.

This es me primatvie bath

Typical crew quarters - not az nice aboard me ship, but tolerable

Meals were primative, but we managed ta get by. Sum o'us gained weight, which I can't understand.

Me n me peg keeping me guud eye out fer wildlife.

As u can see, life waz dfficult. From Abu Camp, we set out on sum jurnies enta z deep n dark jungle ta see wildlife n ad a wee bit o'water fun wit z elephants

As u can see, wildwife waz everywhere

All these photas es copyrighted by Eyes on Africa Travel and Safaris. Ya can find them on z web at http://www.eyesonafrica.net

Ave a guud day, mates!

The Capt.

Back Ta Cevilization

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 16:39:35 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses:

Sum o ya scalywags av been enquirin as ta where we been. Harty, harr, harrrr. We es not been lost, nor ave we ad anything wrong medically speakin.

Ensted, we av been explorin Africa by foot...err, in my case by foot n me peg. An wuldn't ya know, that right en z middle o r explorin, i got a bad case o termites in me peg. What a mess.

When we emerged from z jungle z taday, we knew we ad hit cevilization cause z ferst thing we saw twas a starbucks wit wifi. So I hope this message gets to those who've been enquirin. An fer the rest of ya, thanks a lot fer noticin!

Harty harr harr.

I will send sum pectures as soon as we get settled in back aboard me ship.

Happy Easter to all Christians

The Capt.

Worst Ship Disaster I Ere Sawed

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 04:01:41 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

Me n me crew were reminiskin yesterday about z werst shippin desasters we'd ere seen, n pret much all of us agreed et was z torpedoin of a French oil tanker called z Limberg en October 2002 off Yemen.

We happened ta b sailing behind z Limberg, laughin about how she smelled o'French cheese, when out o'no where comes a small craft that sent a torpedo enta er side. As ya might magin, z resultin splosin was horrific.

But outta no where, z Yemen Navy twas on z scene working ta put out z fire.

Then boyz werked hard n fast, n en no time et all, z fire was extengueshed and z ship saved.

We pulled along side after z situation quieted down, n saw z hole someone put en er side.

They gots some guud idears who did this, n et b z same gang o thugs we b fighting en Afganistan.

So if'n ya still gots yer head in z sand, n think thar aint no war on terrorism, thank again. Only one man lost es life en this attack, which es mounted against all American ships carryin oil to z Eunited States. Them bad guys just happened ta get this one wrong.

So wake up peoples. R elections es just ahead. We need to get this election right, er et could b z end.

Remember what r boyz es fightin fer.

Happy Sailin. Oh, n one mo thang. If'n ya want ta join z hunt, cut out yer permit below:

Happy Sailing, mates!

The Capt.

Salamagundi Recipes n Rum Suggestions fer Ya!

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:23:27 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

Et es a new year, n we es feeling guud cause we will b sailing a lot this year, so me men n me decided ta share wit cha a happy new year's present. N what better present ta give ya than r Salamagundi recipe, complete wit r rum recommendation! Aye, can ya feel z love? So take out yer pencils n papers, mates, cause et es time fer ya ta writ down these special treats - strait from z JollyRoger's gallee!

Ferst, we start wit z best part of the recipee, rum (cause you will need it)! So before ya read further, go out n get sum Havana Club, 7 Añejo from Cuba. O'all z rums I av dunked, this one is like sailing on a glass sea - et es THAT smooth. It es rich in amber coloring, n et gives me visions o'sugarcane blowin in a tropical breeze layin on a blanket under blue skies en Jamaica with Mad Sal nibblin on me guud ear. Ah, but I digress.

As ya might imagine, Salamagundi es a might tastey fer landlubbers, but fer us harty lads who get up each morn luukin n smelling like pirates, et es a welcome feast. Ya can jest imagine how pirates en z old daze wuld delight on Salamagundi Day! N if'n ya can't imagine et, ya ain't ad enuff rum, so take another swallaw! I best get on wit et, so witout ferther ado, here b two Salamagundi recipes fer all r friends:

First, determine how much Salamagundi you will need. Ta do this, count yer crew from yer manifest n all yer prisoners. Subtract how many crew ya accidentially left on islands, and those ya intentionally left. Devide by 2, and ya will reach the axual number o'crew n prisoners likely ta partake (I alwayz figure I can get away wit 10 percent less due to illness).

Accordin ta "A Pirate's Code of Ediquette," as writ by Mad Sal of Mad Sal's Ale House en Port Royale, Jamaica, after decidin how many ya es ta feed, the next step es ta decide how ta set z table (if'n ya gots one) before yar banquet can begin. Sal alwayz put out milk n crackers, but z men usually prefer sumptin closer ta what culd b considered a vice - rum!

Rum aboard z JollyRoger!

Thar r two Salamagundi recepies below fer ya. For either of em, you will need 1 large kettle, 20 galons o' cold water (or more if ya like yer stew runny) a sack o'salt, three sacks o'pepper, and 200 garlic cloves. Add these thangs tagether ta taste.

Recipe #1: use white meat such as fish, crab, lobster, eel, chickens er pigeons, (pluck to taste), snakes, pigs, cats or whatever ya find wanderin on the beach. Add lots of wine er rum - several small casks at minimum. Add Jamacian spices, 1 barrel o'anchovies, 27 heads o'cabbage, fruit, 250 eggs (witout shells), 50 onions (peel em ferst), 3 casks o'cookin oil, and what ere else luuks good in yer gallee. Serve ta yer crew wit two pints o'rum per man.

Landin partee ashore searches fer Salamagundi additives!

Recipe #2: use red meat such as big cows, small cows, camels, rats, wild dogs, bear, moose, ducks, spiders, er what ere else ya find when yer landing party scours z shore. Like above, use lots of wine, spices, fruit or cabbage, garlic, eggs, n onions. Serve wit two pints o'rum per man (note: if'n ya used rat meat, increase ta four pints per man).

Combine ingredents, cept z meat, en z kettle. Bring et ta a boil, then simmer fer a few hours. Make sure all animals are dead n skinned (in that order) before addin them to the mix. Simmer for about 6 hours. Direct all who will eat this rot to drink one cask of rum prior to serving. B aware that this mix o'rum n Salamagundi makes ya want ta limbo n do other strange, yet wunderful things.

Et es delicious. We ad some just z other day.

Sail on, folks.

The Capt.

Happy New Year, cept ta terrorists!

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 14:55:28 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

Et es Educasion Day ere en a Pirate's Cove, which means I needs ta edumacate yee landlubbers about sumptin ta do wit piracy er z sea. Taday, yer in luck, cause I es gonna pack yer brain wit sumptin ya prolly don't know. So gather round kiddies, n let ol Jolly tell ya sumptin new!

Z ferst part o'yer educational journey starts by bein able ta prounouce where we b. Me n me crew r hold up down ere off z magic isle of Ninutao (Nee New Tao), en z island nation of Tuvalu (Too Va Lou). As you can see by z pectures, we r havin fun.

Tuvalu is an independent country en z central Pacific Ocean, about 1,000 miles er so north of Fiji, one o'me personal favs, ah, but I digress. Tuvalu consists of nine isles n a bunch o'atolls. Z global warming crowd will tell ya et will be under water by 2100, but I don't believe em. We like z locals ere. They r always nice ta us. Taint much ta do ere. Z pictures pretty much show et all!

Happy new year ere one, cept terrorists!

The Capt.

Great Barrier Island Trip, Aye!

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 00:15:53 GMT

Ahoy lads n lasses,

With Christmas grog still en r veins, me n me crew got tired of being at achor en San Francisco, so I called up z twins ta see if they wanted ta head off fer adventure. They did. So we cast off on Dec. 19 fer Great Barrier Island n Christmas off of New Zeland.

Z trip across z Pacific was smooth all z way. The equaor was warm, as always, and then we sailed inta summer weather. We waz luuking forward ta some sun, 80 degrees of warmth, n umbrella drinks.

R destination was z Earthsong Lodge at Cruz Bay. Et es a spectaculur place, as u can see from r photas. They even ad rum waiting fer me n z twins in r ruum.

We rented a sloop n may way o'er ta z leeward Carolyn Isles, where we hunted cockels along er shores.

We came back to Great Barrier Isle so we culd lay in z hammocks n watch z sun set over sum o' z crew's quarters, which were nice ruums o'er z water.

All n all, et waz a great trip, n now we es off ta another location wit mo sun. We'll see ya soon!

The Capt.

As For Me n My House, We Shall Serve the Lord

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 13:14:18 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses...

Et es nearly Christmas. Et es late, n me crew es all sleepin in thar nets. The night watch just passed four bells. I ave been awake in me cabin for much of z night struggling wit z thought of this being Christmas, when we celebrate the birth of Christ (Christ Mass), but no where ere in San Francisco do I see the reason for the season. Et is almost like et as been tucked away into churches, which ave declining attendance, as part of some great conspiracy to get rid of et. An wit z news media focused only on other faiths, and constant images of every faith but Christian on TV, et occurs ta me that we es bein indoctrinated, n we need ta do a better job o'permotin Christmas n Jesus Christ. An z more we move through time, an as r kids grow n r expoused ta all this one-sidedness on TV n in papers, n even in r schools, et occurs ta me the time ta emphasize Christianity, n explainin what Christmas is truly about, es now.

So, on this cold rainy night, I thought et wuld b guud ta start by speadin z light of Christianity ta where ere et wants ta spread. An so, I writ et down en me blog fer those that care to read et. But b aware, z enemy aint gonna like such a promotoion. So arm yerselfs spiritiually n wit muskets, cause et es time ta do battle!

No matter who ya r, deep within yer heart, there must be more to life than giving and receiving gifts, going to parties, buying presents, stress, trying to find a parking place, watching that Frosty animated Christams special, worrying about Aunt Lucy or Uncle Bob getting drunk before Christmas dinner. Et never ceases ta amaze me what we inflict on ourselves. As Pogo said in a comicstrip long ago, "we ave met z enemy, n et es us."

So why do we do all this at a time when we are worshiping r savior? Is et avoidance? Or ave we slid down that slippery cultural slope of Political Correctness so far that we actually believe r own press releases? I think et is like the lyric in z song "Simple Ma" says, "Ya know what's wrong with the world today, people done gone put their Bibles away. They're living by the law of the jungle, not the law of the land." We need ta rise up n wake up, people.

After the earthquake in San Francisco, a newspaper article stated that the Lord's Prayer was no longer allowed in z schools - with one exception - during and earthquake! When the chips are down and humans become helpless, we look to a power higher than our own to save us.

Doreen Palmer wroted sumptin and copyrighted et in 1999 that I want ta share wit chu. I think we need a summary of z reason fer z season, n she can writ et jest as guud as I can, wit better spellin, so I will let er summarize me feelings on this whole subject:

The Christ of the Christian faith is "the only God" (1 Tim 1:16-17 NIV). If we believe Him to be the "God with us" the Immanuel of the New Testament (Matt 1:23) foretold in the Old Testament (Isa 7:14), we cannot possibly see Him as the god of other faiths. He was born to a virgin because His Father was not a human.

Jesus lived as a man for 33 years, was crucified because He claimed to be God in the flesh (Matt 27:63-64), rose from the dead on the third day (Mark 28:6), and is alive forevermore (Rev 1:18). Jesus said that even if One were to come back from the dead, some people would still not believe (Luke 16:31). Even though some will never believe, 2,000 years later the Christian church is alive and well. Jesus said it always would be alive and well (Matt 16:18)!

The reason many don't believe in the Christ of Christmas is because they don't know Him. They may have been introduced to Him, but it takes more than an introduction to know someone intimately. We must spend time on our knees (and in our Bibles) if we are to become intimate with Jesus Christ.

Jesus' conception in Mary's womb was a miracle, and His conception into the heart of a consenting person is likewise a miracle. Both births are by the same Holy Spirit (Gal 4:4-6).

After birth, a loving parent would never leave a small baby unattended, or else it would die. The same is true of a spiritual child, he must be given spiritual food or he too will die. The food he requires is called "the Bread of life" and "the living Water" - the Word of God and the power of His Spirit.

The Apostle Paul knew the determination required if we are to grow spiritually. He wrote: "My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly. And that I may in the same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection which it exerts over believers" (Phil 3:10-11 AMP V).

Again Paul writes: "If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of truth, no sacrifice for sins is left but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God" (Heb 10:26-27 NIV).

If we call ourselves Christian, we must choose this day to be determined to pursue the truth as given in the Bible. If we don't, we are really joining the league of those who would put and "X" through His name.

To which group do you choose to belong? I, like Joshua of old, will say, "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord" (Josh 24:15). My Lord is the "Christ" of Christmas.

Havin readed what Doreen writ cured me restlessness. Time fer sum sleep.

Merry Christmas ta everyone, cept ta terrorists!

The Capt.

Member, Celtic Pirates for Christ

Twaz Z Night Afore XXXmas! (cept fer terrorists)

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 03:11:57 GMT

TWAZ Z NIGHT AFORE XXXMAS

Adapted by Zinger

Ferst Mate ta Capt. Jolly Roger

(Wit Apologies ta Clement Clarke Moore)

'Twas the night afore XXXmas, when all o'er z ship
Not a creature was stirring, not even Big Mick;
The stockings twaz hunged by the cannons wit care,
In hopes that ol' Jolly soon wuld be thar;

Z crew was nestled all snug in thar nets,
While little grey rats danced round wit no frets;
And me n me wench ad just settled down for a nap,
When out on the deck there arose such a chatter,

I sprang from the net to see what twas z matter.
Away to the portal I ran like a dawg,
Tore open the glass to stare though my grog.
Z moon was in full and in all its glory
Gave the luster of mid-day to help this story,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature dingy drawn by eight huge parrots,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knowed in a moment it must be Capt'n Jolly as St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Nemo! now, Memises! now, Hermes and Demeter!
On, Eris! On Poseidon! On, Eurydice and Artemis!

To the top of the deck! To the top of the mast!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the mast-top the coursers they flew,
With the Brigit full of plunder, and Capt'n Jolly, too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little claw.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the hatch Capt'n Jolly came with a bound.
He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of plunder he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eye patch -- how it twinkled! his scars how scary!
His mug was like roses, his sword shined like a mirror!

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of grog.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old pirate,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the hatch he rose;

He sprang to his dingy, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Merry Christmas 2008! - Cept ta terrorists

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 14:11:13 GMT

Ahoy Lads n Lasses,

Me n me crew es all buttoned up fer z Christmas holiday, n we want t wish all our loyal readers a very Merry Christmas. And please note, that we used z werd "Christmas," as in "Christ Mass," which means ta celebrate z man who died fer r sins, and only he knows how many each one of us gots.

I myself es got plenty. Why, I remember a night at Mad Sal's Ale House in Port Royal, Jamaica...err, ah, but I digress. We best leave that storee fer another tyme, aye.

The JollyRoger es tied up en port (that es us wit z green mast). While we es stationary, we was thinking how best ta send r readers a Christmas card. Afterall, we ave traveled round z werld.

It was brought ta my attention that we live in a postcard of a city, San Francisco, so why not share that wit r readers. An so it is. We sprinkled some Christmas pectures of San Francisco mixed in wit z werds of a Vic Damone song called, "Christmas in San Francisco." So sit back n enjoy. And Merry Christmas to all, cept ta terrorists!

Christmas in San Francisco

by Mr. Vic Damone

Christmas in San Francisco

what a lovely place to be
Seeing the hills being all lit up
Like a diamond Christmas tree

Hearing children singing carols
People come from everywhere
To sing along with the children
Standing all around Union Square

Christmas in San Francisco
Looking like some fairy land
People with gifts in the crispy air
Giving old Saint Nick a hand

Let's take a peek in Chinatown
Eating lychee nuts and barbecued boar
What can you say about the Golden Gate
That hasn't been said before

Christmas in San Francisco
There is no place quite so dear
It's the closest thing to heaven
How I wish that you were here.

Merry Christmas everyone!

The Capt.